I Ran out of Ideas, so here's a React Fic
by neowolf24
Summary: Jaune just got off of his shift as a Simple Wok employee when he notices that all of his friends are missing. He discovers a card left by a React Fic Watcher and goes mad with rage. The day of reckoning for reactors is at hand. Pseudo Sequel to A Drunken Marriage of Mustaches.


I Ran out of Ideas, So Here's a React Fic

Disclaimer: This is a parody fanfic meant to provide constructive criticism to react fanfic writers (Despite how unbelievably savage it may get.)

RWBY and its characters are owned by Rooster Teeth in Austin, Texas. The OCs however are mine.

King is an original character which belongs to King-Mac-11.

The Creator is an original character which belongs to NigmaShady.

Kratos is owned by SIE Santa Monica Studios in Los Angeles, California.

Spider Man, Ant Man and Deadpool are owned by Marvel in New York, New York.

Rick, Morty, Krombopulos Michael, Birdperson, and Mr. Meseeks are owned by Rick and Morty LLC in Los Angeles California.

King Bomb-omb is owned by Nintendo in Kyoto, Japan.

Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto in Okayama, Japan and SHUEISHA Inc. in Tokyo, Japan.

Ghost Busters belongs to Columbia Pictures Industry in Culver City, California.

Goku, Shenron and the Dragon Balls belong to SHUEISHA Inc. in Tokyo, Japan.

Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, Rarity and Rainbow Dash belong to Hasbro Inc. in Pawtucket, Rhode Island.

Ash, Charizard and Pikachu are owned by Game Freak Inc. in Tokyo, Japan.

Scorpion and Sub-Zero belong to Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment in Burbank, California.

Cheer Bear, Friend Bear, Funshine Bear, the Care Bears and the Care Bear Cousins belong to American Greetings Corporation of West Lake, Ohio.

Quick Author's note: This Fan Fiction takes place in the same universe as my very first post, A Drunken Marriage of Mustaches, so go read that one first.

Jaune Arc's POV

Jaune enters his team's bed room wearing a Simple Wok employee outfit with a tired, grumpy expression on his face. "Stupid alimony, forcing me to work 20 hours a day just to keep up. Why does the Shopkeep even need employees. I could have sworn he was omnipresent, or he had clones or something like that." Jaune mutters under his breath as he pulls off his apron and tosses it into the hamper.

He starts looking around the room and he quickly notices that his team mates are missing. "Hmm, wonder where everybody went?" He says to himself before stepping forward and taking his shirt off. He slips on something he didn't see and lands flat on his back with a yelp.

He pulls his shirt off and sits up to scowl at whatever made him trip, but he froze the moment he saw it. There was a broken plate on the ground with a recently stepped on stack of pancakes sitting in the middle, with a few of the pancakes having splattered onto the wall. There was also a fork lying next to the plate.

Jaune's eyes go as wide as the very thing that made him slip when he sees this. He looks over to his partner's bed and notices a half eaten chocolate bar from her secret stash that absolutely nobody knew she had hidden in the hollowed out box spring of her bed. "Wait, what?! Nora would never drop her pan cakes like that! And the only way you'd get Pyrrha to drop a chocolate bar is to kill her. Something is very wrong here." He says before dashing out of the room and across the hall only to notice that the door was slightly open.

He carefully peeks in and notices a half eaten cookie on the ground and one of Blake's sm- artistic, erotic fiction books lying on the floor face down and open. He runs out of the room screaming "Ruby giving up a cookie?! Impossible! And Blake would never leave one of her books open like that! They're missing too! I have to go find Professor Ozp- WHOA!" He says before slipping on said Headmaster's Coffee Mug.

His eyes go even wider when he realizes what he tripped on. He notices a half eaten banana and a camera as well. He pauses when he notices that the camera is floating in mid air. "What the-? How is the camera floa- wait a second." He says before walking up to the camera.

He touches it and the device immediately starts to fall to the ground. He dives to catch the device, fully aware that the bunny girl would be upset if it broke and slides forward before coming face to face with a stray business card. He puts the camera to the side and picks it up. When he reads it, his eyes to narrow in rage as he groans in frustration.

"No." He says angrily. "No way, that is not happening. One severely overused Fan Fic trope is bad enough, I refuse to let these idiots to bring in another one." He says dropping the card, which says "Excoram, Keeper of Multiverses." on it. He stomps back to his room with a scowl on his face. He slams the door behind him and says, "Good thing I prepared for these kinds of situations."

He pats Zwei, who is sleeping on top of his bed, on the head and reaches underneath it to pull out a red case with a glass window which says 'Break Glass if you find a faunus child in the Emerald Forest.' above the window in black letters. "No, not that one." He says before pulling out another one which says "Break Glass if child from the future arrives." "Not that one either" he says. He pulls out another one which says 'Break Glass if you get married while drunk.' "THAT'S WHERE I PUT THAT ONE! I could have really used that a few months ago!" He screams in anger and irritation as he throws it at a nearby wall.

He sighs explosively before going back to his task. 'If you or one or more of your friend's older selves come from the future' "No." He says. 'If Nora runs out of Pan Cakes', "No" 'If Ruby discovers Qrow is her real father' "No." 'If Pyrrha is reincarnated as a Grimm' "No." 'If you or someone you know gains the powers of a video game character' "No." 'If Bleiss shows up' "No." 'If Rule 34 goes too far' "No." 'If you get Ruby pregnant' "No." 'If you get Weiss pregnant' "No."

'If you get Ren pregnant', he pauses for a second to stare at this. "I really need to get a hobby." He says before he puts it to the side. 'If one of Professor Port's stories or Nora's dreams turn out to be true' "No."

'If Zwei takes over the world with an army of genetically enhanced Cyborg Corgis'. He pauses again as he feels the angry glare of Zwei. He gulps as he is quickly surrounded by a dozen Corgis wearing ninja outfits and cybernetic implants.

"Why is that one down there? I eagerly await the day that our glorious Corgi Overlords take over Remnant. May Emperor Zwei and his royal pet Blake Belladonna reign forever over us insignificant humans and faunus." He says nervously. Zwei scratches his left ear and the Ninja Corgis vanish, He uses his paw to give Jaune a gesture which clearly says "I'm watching you." Before going back to his nap.

He finally manages to pull out one which says "If a multidimensional entity takes all of your friends to watch alternate universes featuring yourself as the main character." "AHA! THERE YOU ARE!" He yells triumphantly before breaking the glass and pulling out a strange black graphing calculator like device.

"Alright let's see, these jerks are usually pretty good about hiding their location, so finding them directly is a no go; but a lot of the younger ones typically leave a unique energy trail throughout the universes they show so I should be able to pin point this moron's location by finding the common intercept point of at least five different universes." Jaune says as he plugs the device into his dorm's holoscreen TV and the device begins emitting a faint blue glow.

He presses a button which causes the tv to flash through scenes of various different universes faster than the eye can see as it searches for the one that his friends have watched.

"Alright, let's see what this idiot's been showi-" He says before the device lets out a loud ping. It pulls up a small screen in the top left corner as it continues searching the multiverse. Jaune taps a button on the device to enlarge the image, which shows a version of Jaune with ash white skin, red tattoos and pair of flaming swords fixed onto both ends of a long chain. This version of Jaune is currently running up the arm of a giant deity.

"Oh a God of War universe, like that one hasn't been done a million times." He quips sarcastically as the device continues to search. After a few seconds, the device pings again as a new universe reveals itself.

In this universe, a clearly drunk version of Dr. Oobleck is fumbling through what looks like a shoddily constructed space ship as a whiny pathetic version of himself seems to be desperately trying to stop him from doing something horrible.

"Ah yes, another overused one, the Rick and Morty universe. Hope that Jaune enjoys having football sized suppositories shoved up his poop shoot, cause he's got a lot of that in his future." He says. The second he finishes his sentence, another ping goes off and a new universe shows up.

In this universe, Jaune is wearing a red and black full body suit as he engages in an epic and somewhat ridiculous gun fight on a free way. He groans in annoyance at this. "Aww man, not a Deadpool Universe, that version of me looks like somebody pushed my face into a wood chipper and set me on fire." Jaune says.

Jaunepool stops in the middle of the fight and looks Jaune in the eye. "Oh yeah? Well at least I'm not some whiny, pathetic, generic looking loser surrounded by people who could kick my ass without even breaking a sw-." He begins to say before he gets a hole blown in his face and falls over. Jaune scowls at the unhinged mercenary and says "Yeah that's what you get, there's only room for one fourth wall breaking Jaune Arc in this story and that's me."

A fourth ping goes off and the screen switches a scene showing Jaune, Neptune and Sun in team RWBY's room with looks of shock and fear on their faces. He quickly notices the girls all have noticeably large bulges in their pants/skirts as well.

He face palms hard at this before going over to the other emergency boxes and breaking open the box which says "If Rule 34 gets out of control." He searches through the box and finds a heavy duty chastity belt with a reinforced steel plate on the back and sheds his pants to put it on. "I'm not going through that again, I still can't sit for more than an hour and a half." He mutters under his breath before putting his pants back on just as the fifth ping goes off and a small vortex of blue energy begins to grow in the center of the room.

He looks to the screen and his expression turns into a deadpan as he sees what looks like him and his friends in the form of colorful horses. "Seriously? My Little Pony? ... Well at least that one's not nearly as overdone as the others."

It takes a few minutes for the portal to stabilize, so Jaune goes back over to the "If a multidimensional entity takes all of your friends to watch alternate universes featuring yourself as the main character" box and starts searching through the equipment.

"Alright, time to show this idiot with no creativity of his own what happens when you mess with Jaune Arc with some awesome, totally original ge-" He says before pulling out a high tech "Steel Man Mark IV" armored battle suit.

He glares at some unseen entity before tossing the armor out the window and returning to the box. He growls in irritation when he pulls out a Phantom Buster vacuum pack and gun as he begins muttering to himself. "Stupid writer,-" He says as he throws the gun out the window. "Can't even come up with his own ideas-" He says as he pulls out a silver gauntlet with six glowing stones.

He reads a label which says 'Fist of Endless Possibilities.' He snorts and says "I oughta shove this thing up your butt, maybe Ant Man will find it." He tosses the knock off to the side and continues looking.

He pulls out a black head band with a silver plate on it that has a strange black symbol on the front. He snorts in amusement at this.

"Ah, here's somebody who might understand what I'm going through. I should give Naruto a call in a bit, I'm sure he'd love the chance to get back at one of these pricks." He says before stopping as he gets an idea. He absentmindedly reaches into the box again as he considers his new thought.

"Come to think of it, maybe I should just bring all these guys and let them take a shot at -ACK!" He screams in disgust as he throws a scaly green dragon scrotum bag at the wall. A set of seven red glass balls with blue stars in them comes rolling out of the ball sack.

He gives the writer a glare when he realizes what they are. "Oh, haha, Dragon Balls; very funny." He says with a 'I'm tired of your crap' tone of voice. He closes the box and says "Screw it." He grabs the device from earlier and uses it to open a series of portals with a sadistic grin on his face.

Carl's POV

Sun, Neptune, Coco, Velvet, the Branwen twins, Winter Schnee, Kali and Ghria Belladonna, James Ironwood, Ozpin, Oscar Pine, Professors' Goodwitch, Port and Oobleck, Roman Torchwick, Neopolitan, Cinder, Emerald, Ilia Amitola, Sienna Khan, Adam Taurus, Saphron, Terra and Adrian Cotta-Arc, Mercury, Salem, Arthur Watts, Tyrian Callows, Hazel Rainart and Teams RWBY and _NPR are all sitting in a theatre with a strange purple Platypus man wearing a simple black trenchcoat.

"Alright, who's ready for the next o-" The Platypus man begins to say before a portal opens and an orb of bright purple light rushes into the room. The Platypus man looks over in surprise and says. "Hey King, what are you d-"

"CARL! YOU FOOL! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE?!" He screams in a panicked tone, startling the Platypus man as more portals open and numerous other dimensional entities begin entering the room.

"Wait, what d-" he says before he is interrupted by a rather plain looking blue skinned man in a Black Sabbath t-shirt, combat boots and blue jeans. "Dude you pulled people from a fan fic parody universe?! Those Jaune's are incredibly dangerous! They have otherworldly powers like us in these dimensions!"

A large, muscular, hairy chested centaur wearing nothing but a frilly black bra stuffed with grape fruits exits the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to one of his hooves. "Not to mention they're immune to time freezes." He says with the voice of a squeaky five year old girl, prompting a fit of giggles from some of the less mature members of the audience.

A miniature green frog man wearing a tuxedo with coat tails and a top hat pops out of the toilet the Centaur just got done using. "You foo-" The frogman begins to scream, only to be cut off by 900 lbs sumo wrestler/leprechaun falling from the ceiling, landing on top of the poor amphibian. "What have you done!" The Sumo/Leprechaun screams as he stands up, with the Frogman smashed between his butt cheeks.

Hundreds of entities of all shapes and sizes begin popping up in the room, speaking loudly as they try to make themselves heard and leaving the viewers stunned and confused.

They all go silent and their expressions turn to one of fear as a series of swirling green portals begins to open up to the side of the room. "Oh man! He's here! I gotta get out of he-" King starts screaming, only to be interrupted by a loud mechanical noise. Peter Venkman, Raymond Stantz, Egon Spengler and Wintston Zeddemore walk out of a portal on the far right, with their weapons at the ready.

"Alright boys, these are powerful, multidimensional entities; no time to play around. Cross the streams." He says as the four of them open fire on King. "GAHHHHHH!" King screams in agony as the streams begin crossing. A massive explosion goes off, killing dozens of other entities in the process as King falls to the ground with a dull purple glow.

Peter kicks a Ghost Trap toward King and Raymond is about to activate it. He looks over to Egon and teasingly says "Don't look at it this time." Before stepping on the pedal. "Wait, wha- NOOooo-!" King says before he is sucked into the device.

Jaune walks through the portal and quickly spots his nephew Adrian in his Saphron's lap. His eyes go wide in horror and he says "Oh no, they finally put my sister in the anime. How long until I end up drunkenly marrying her?!" He yells.

Terra looks at him with a raised eyebrow as Saphron's face turns green and says "Well considering its illegal to marry your sister, I'd have to say you're probably safe." Jaune sends her an irritated look and says "Trust me, legality is a minor obstacle compared to some of the other crap I've had to deal with."

He tosses a small blindfold and noise canceling headphones to his sister and says "Cover his eyes and ears sis. Adrian doesn't need to see what's about to happen." Saphron is staring at her brother with a dumbfounded expression, but she obeys just as the Sumo Leprechaun steps forward, ready to defend his brethren.

Everyone in the room is shocked as a spear point attached to a rope comes flying out of a portal to the left as a voice yells out "Get over here!" Scorpion and Sub-Zero step out of the portal and Scorpion yanks the spear back pulling his head off as Subzero freezes it in mid air. Scorpion punches the frozen head just as it reaches him and it shatters as the Sumo Leprechaun's body falls to the ground.

Naruto Uzumaki, Ash Ketchum and Pikachu, Spider Man, Deadpool, Rick, Morty, Goku, Kratos and his son, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, Rarity and Rainbow Dash all step out from the other portals. "Thanks for helping me get these guys together Rick. "N- 'burp' -o problem Jaune. These guys are almost a-as annoying as the Council of Ricks." Rick says as Morty lets out a nervous yelp.

Jaune turns an angry glare toward the now shaking reactors as he takes a deep breath. "Alright, listen up, you morons. First of all, there are waaayyy to many of you out there right now. Seriously, there's gotta be dozens of people doing this same thing at the moment. I have no problem with you guys using this as a way to build up your creative ability, but for the love of Monty slow down before you kill the style entirely." He says before taking another breath.

"And then theirs how some of you guys start these freaking things off." He says before pointing over to the group who was watching the universes in the first place. "I know these are super powered people living in a world with magical dust, physics defying weapons, and monsters that are attracted to negative human emotions who had the misfortune of getting caught up in a lover's quarrel between a couple of immortal dimwits-" He says, causing both Ozpin and Salem to look offended.

"But do you really think that they would just blindly accept that a God like entity tasked with watching over the multiverse really wouldn't have anything better to do with their time than pull a bunch people to watch a bunch of universes centered around me?" He screams, causing the entities to flinch.

"Also, let's take a second to talk about the characters you use to represent yourselves." He says as he points toward the man in the Black Sabbath T-Shirt from earlier standing right next to a man on a pogo stick wearing a pink Kangaroo onesie. "Talk about a variety of characters. They always seem to be either incredibly ordinary or extremely bizarre like these two bozos over here." He says.

"And let's talk about the stories you keep putting me in. Can you at least try something new for once? Kratos, Deadpool, Spiderman, Rick, Morty and Naruto are just as sick of this crap as I am." He adds. "Yeah man, I've got my own react idiots to deal with, I don't need you doing it too." Naruto says.

"And I get it, not all of you speak English as a primary language, but can you at least try to write a little better? Grammar and punctuation are powerful things, one slip is all it takes to go from cooking for your family to cooking your family. Nobody likes cannibals people." He says.

"And then there's the stories themselves. For the love of all that is holy, learn how to slow the pace of a story down sometimes. Yes everybody loves those big action moments, but if you just jump straight to them, you're just going to leave the reader confused and unable to really lose themselves in the story. It takes time to get a reader invested in a story."

"Also here's a thought, how about you try writing your own stories for them to watch every now and then. I know you like the idea of putting me in the shoes of other popular characters, and it does take a decent understanding of how the characters would react in certain situations, but that gets old very quick.

The readers are going to get bored if you aren't willing to show a little more creativity every now and then. At least some of you, such as the glow-in-the-dark testicle over here try to write their own stuff on occasion in the form of intermissions." He says while gesturing to the Ghost Trap, which lets out a muffled cry of indignation.

"Not to mention the fact that you're all setting me up for failure with some of the characters your comparing me to." He says before pointing to the group. "Kratos and Goku are both God like entities! How could I ever hope to measure up to them?! I'm already confused enough about my strength and potential thanks to Rooster Teeth's piss poor writing skills as of late, I don't need you all piling onto the problem." He says before turning to another unseen entity.

"And then theirs you morons reading the stories. Why are you feeding the trolls? The moment one of these fics pop up, they immediately dozens of followers, causing the system to register them as a rapidly growing fan fic. I get it, you like what you like, but for the love of all that is holy, can you please stop drowning out all the other fan fics out there!"

"And as far as I'm aware there's no rule that says you all have to update at the same time! There's dozens of other writers with good, unique stories who end up getting discouraged and abandoning their projects because they feel like nobody cares about their projects." He says before taking a deep breath.

"You know what? I've said my piece. Let's get to something that always entertains. Pure, unfiltered, senseless violence." He says before pulling out Crocea Mors.

The others begin to arm up as well as Jaune charges forward and drives his sword through the Black Sabbath guy's stomach. He rips his sword upwards slicing the guy's body in two as he falls to the ground lifeless. He slams his shield into the face of the pogo kangaroo just as the others engage the enemy.

Kratos' POV

Kratos leaps into the fray with his Leviathan axe as he lands on the arm of a two hundred foot tall muscleman wearing a tutu. Tutu man frantically tries to swat him off of his arm, but a green triangle appears over Kratos' head before it enlarges briefly before disappearing just as Kratos dodges the hit.

Kratos switches to the Blades of Chaos and a red circle appears on Tutu Man's forehead before disappearing just as the triangle did. Kratos' son shoots a pair of arrows into each of the Tutu Man's eyeballs, which go deep into his eyes before exploding as one of the Blades of Chaos breaks through the skull and Kratos goes flying toward his head.

He lands on his chin and swings around to the back of his head to drive his other sword right where the brainstem meets the spine, killing the giant instantly. He yanks the blades free as the Tutu Man falls and rides the giant down as it lands in front of a bunch of ponies.

Pinkie Pie's POV

Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity and Twilight Sparkle run into a horde of overweight adult males wearing various My Little Pony shirts. Pinkie Pie gasps comically as her eyes go wide in shock. "Oh my gosh, Bronies?!" She screams.

The Bronies back away as the five miniature horses begin to emit a demonic black glow. Their bodies grow into that of twelve foot tall, demonic Clydesdales, their manes turn to flames, they grow bone spiked armor on their bodies with a pair of four foot long unicorn horn spikes emerging just below their necks, their teeth go razor sharp, blood starts trickling from the sides of their mouths and their tears ducts and their eyes turn as black as night. Twilight Sparkle and Rarity's unicorn horns have transformed into four foot long spears.

"**Show no mercy! Slay them all!**" Pinkie Pie yells in a low pitched echoing demonic growl.

A morbidly obese, eighty foot tall Bronie with a pink war axe and a sky blue and purple suit of Medieval Crusader armor with "Friendship is Magic" spray painted on it emerges from the shadows, his eyes glowing white as arcs of pink and yellow electricity race up and down his armor.

The Giant Bronie lets out a mighty war cry, but his voice cuts off as Rainbow Dash flies across his neck with her now sharp metallic, bat like wings slicing through the armor and the giant's vocal chords like a hot knife through butter.

Rarity and Twilight Sparkle leap at the visor of the Giant's crusader helmet with their now glowing unicorn horns aimed right where his eyes should be. They effortlessly blast through the Giant's helmet, as well as his eyes and skull before blasting out of the back of his head in a shower of blood, metal, brain, bone and flesh. They are completely drenched with blood and brain matter just as they land on the ground in front of Spiderman and Ash Ketchum.

Deadpool's POV

Spiderman, Ash Ketchum and Pikachu watch on in horror at all the blood and guts spewing everywhere. "What the hell?! Stop killing them! We're supposed to be the good guys!" Spiderman screams just as Deadpool lands next to them.

"Don't worry bro, we're not killing them permanently, they're immortal. They just go into hibernation for a few thousand years." He says before sliding his arm over Spiderman's shoulder, the hero slips out of his grasp as Deadpool locks eyes with Pikachu. He walks over to Ash with his chin cupped looking as if he was thinking. "I'm sorry, have we met before? You just seem so familiar." Deadpool says. "Pika?" Pikachu says as he cocks his head sideways.

A light bulb appears over his head as he gets an idea. He grabs the light bulb, tosses it into the face of the bra clad Centaur from earlier, causing it to explode in a flash of light and blinding the Centaur. Deadpool pulls out a pistol and shoots the centaur in the face without even taking his eyes off of Pikachu.

He pulls a detective's hat out of one of his pockets and puts it on Pikachu's head. "Ahh, much better." He says before pulling out a pair of swords. "Well, time to get to work. These guys aren't going to destroy themselves." He says just as a fat guy with a long mane of flaming hair's stomach starts glowing.

The fat guy begins to panic as several of the godlike entities stare at him with apprehension. He explodes on the spot, killing dozens of others in the process as Deadpool, Spiderman, Ash and Pikachu look on in shock.

"Okay, I guess some of them will destroy themselves, but that doesn't mean we can't join in on the fun. Hit the music." He says. "Uhh, you do know this is a written story right?" A disembodied voice says. Deadpool face palms at this. "Then just put the title of a song and the person who sang it. The readers can imagine the songs in their heads." He replies as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Bohemian Rhapsody" By Queen

"Oh boy I love this song! It's the perfect tune for slaughtering nonsensical entities." Deadpool says just as an insect person jumps out of a swirling green portal which appears next to him. "Oh boy, here I go killing again!" He says. "This guy gets it." Deadpool says as he points to Krombopulos Michael. He gives the assassin a fist bump before they both charge into the fray.

Rick Sanchez' POV

Rick and Morty are staring down a six hundred foot tall, twelve hundred foot wide, three thousand foot long blue tortoise with buck teeth and a baseball cap that says "I'm with Stupid" and has an arrow pointing down at himself. Rick stares at the creature's hat and says "Yeah, that sounds about right." He says before heading to the trunk of his space ship, opening it up and pulling out a bottle of beer, which he proceeds to chug down before pulling out a small Neutrino bomb and arming it.

"Oh jeez Rick, what are you doing?" He says just as Rick finishes with the bomb. He pulls his portal gun out of his lab coat pocket and opens a portal while looking over at Morty. "L-look, Morty, the only way we're taking something like * burp* that-" he says while pointing toward the giant Tortoise, "-out is by tossing a Neutrino Grenade down it's throat." Birdperson steps through the portal holding the armored suits from "_Look who's Purging Now_".

Birdperson drops the armor in front of Rick, who hands him the Neutrino Grenade and says "You *burp* know what to do." Birdperson nods as he flies toward the beast just as a group of entities surround the duo.

Rick puts his suit on before kicking the second one over to Morty. "Put that on kid, you're gonna need it." He says. Morty nervously fumbles around as he tries to put it on as Rick rolls his eyes at his Grandson. He takes out a vial of weird purple powder and sniffs it, causing his eyes to turn blue. "**WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB!**" He yells at the top of his lungs before charging in to the fray.

He stops dead in his tracks when he notices a twenty foot golem made out of twenty tons of McDonald's Szechuan Sauce packets. His eyes go wide as saucers and he leaps onto the Golem, which is in reality just a large shirtless man in blue overalls, and he rips his jugular out with his teeth.

He looks over to the side and notices Deadpool devouring a giant Chimichanga man, who is actually the twin of the man Rick just killed, with similarly blue eyes. "How the hell did you get your hands on Kalaxian Crystals in the Marvel Universe?" Rick says. Deadpool looks over to Rick, who he sees in the form of a pickle, and says "What's a Kalaxian Crystal Pickle Rick?" Rick just looks at the crazy man for a second as a large explosion goes off in the distance and a chunk of Tortoise Shell goes flying by before shrugging and going back to what he was doing.

Goku's POV

Across the room, Goku's eyes narrow in rage as he comes across a slightly racist version of a Chinese dragon with buck teeth and a rice hat. "Okay, not cool man." He says before pulling out the Dragon Balls and summoning Shenron.

"What is your wish?" The dragon asks as he appears in a flash of light. "Help me kill this racist looking dragon and his friends." Goku says while pointing to the now terrified dragon. Shenron looks over and his eyes narrow in rage as he sees the dragon as well.

"Keep the wish Goku, this ones on the house." Shenron says before inhaling as the dragon tries to fly away. He breathes out a huge stream of fire with arcs of lightning shooting through it, incinerating the creature and thousands of other watchers in the process before taking off to join the battle.

Goku is about to join the fight as well until Jaune lands a few feet away from him and grunts in pain. A thirty foot tall, electric blue lizard man with large black spikes on his shoulders charges in after Jaune, but it notices Goku decides to switch targets. Goku turns toward Jaune as the creature closes in and proceeds to get him back onto his feet. Just as the creature comes within striking distance, Goku fires a blast of energy from his palm without even looking at the creature, effortlessly destroying it.

Jaune looks surprised by Goku's display of strength before he looks frustrated. "Gah, I'll never be a good fighter at this rate!" He says, getting a look of sympathetic smile from Goku as he sees a bit of his son Gohan in him.

"Nonsense Jaune, you've got more heart than a lot of people I know." Goku says. "Pfft, yeah, heart really does a lot of good in the heat of battle." Jaune says dismissively.

Goku laughs and says "Look Jaune, I'm not gonna stick around you too much; your show has its own, far less creative, Sun Wukong rip off-" prompting an offended "Hey!" from said Monkey Faunus. "-but from what I've seen, our worlds have some similarities. Your Aura is kind of like what we call Chi. Here, I want you to try something real quick." He says before cupping his hands in front of himself.

Jaune looks on in confusion, but he puts his sword and shield away and mimics Goku. "Focus all your energy into a single point between your hands. Visualize the energy as a ball of light." Goku says before summoning a ball of light.

Jaune still looks puzzled, but he does so. Much to his surprise, his aura seems to obey his command, transforming into a ball of light just like Goku's Ki. Goku smiles and shifts the orb to his right hand with Jaune doing the same just as a group of enemies comes charging toward him. "Good, now push the energy out through the ball. Visualize the energy firing from your hand." Goku says, before firing off a beam of energy at the charging enemies, killing them effortlessly.

Another one of the Lizard creatures from earlier comes charging toward Jaune, and he releases the stream of energy toward it, blowing a hole in its head and killing it. Jaune looks excited while Goku smiles.

A giant yellow monkey emerges from the chaos and glares at Goku and the man sighs. "Alright, I'll let you get back to the fight. This monkey's mine." He says before charging at the beast at supersonic speed and punches the creature to oblivion while Jaune looks on in amazement.

Jaune Arc's POV

Pyrrha comes sliding in on top of the corpse of the Platypus man from earlier with a huge smile on her face. She rushes toward a shocked Jaune and kisses him as hard as she can. Moments later, she releases the stunned boy before turning a glare at the dead platypus man.

"These bastards have been torturing me with stories where you end up with other girls for far too long." She says angrily before turning to Jaune with an angry expression that simultaneously terrifies him and turns him on. "You are **mine**." She says possessively, turning her glare toward a visibly nervous team RWBY upon saying the word "mine".

"Uhh, Pyrrha, I'm more than happy to have you as my girlfriend, but you're getting a little scary here." Pyrrha chuckles at this.

"Would you rather be Ren?" She says slyly before pointing over at Nora, who is slamming her hammer into the mashed remains of the head of an attractive woman who tried hitting on Ren.

She has a maniacal glint in her eye as she laughs psychotically screaming "**MINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE!**"

Jaune blinks in stupor briefly before looking back to Pyrrha. "Fair enough." Jaune says. "Care to join me on the field of battle?" He adds in a corny voice as he holds out his hand. Pyrrha grins viciously and says "Gladly." As the two charge off.

Spiderman's POV

Spiderman just webbing up a bunch of watchers before landing in front of Pikachu, who seems to have been separated from Ash in the madness. "I've always wanted to do this." He says with a geeky squeak in his voice. "Pikachu! Use Thunderbolt!" He says while pointing at the webs. Pikachu looks confused at first, but shrugs before doing as requested.

The electricity travels up the webs and fries hundreds of villains for a few seconds before they start to explode in a gory display of blood and guts. Spiderman and Pikachu fist bump as Spiderman says "You know, I'm enjoying myself. There's a bit more blood and guts than I'm used to but watching people get brutally destroyed when you know they won't actually die is strangely cathartic." He says. Pikachu looks at him weirdly for a second before nodding in agreement just as he catches sight of Charizard biting the head off of a heavily tattooed biker.

He rushes over to Charizard as Spiderman looks over. His eyes go comically wide as he squees like a little fan girl. "Charizard! This is awesome." He says before swinging toward him over the top of a dozen Naruto shadow clones.

Deadpool's POV

On the other side of the battlefield Deadpool is skipping around the battlefield happily dicing up dozens of watchers before stumbling upon Ruby Rose, who seems to be having the time of her life killing watchers as well. "Oh... my... God! A Kawai Grim Reaper! She's so adorab-" He begins to say before he notices a group of drooling watchers with bulges in their pants charging her.

His eyes narrow in rage. "Oh hell no, that is **not** happening." He says before charging over to the group and slicing through the front row like a hot knife through butter.

They stop and stare at the man in shock as he glares at them. "Okay, listen up you Rule 34 perverts. I'm usually a pretty big fan of your work, but that's too far. You idiots are always so busy trying to figure out which one of you can put this adorable littlegun nut into the most kinky, depraved situations that you always seem to forget that she's only **fifteen** years old!"

"Well, she's actually sixteen, but this is a pre volume 3 universe. Regardless, I may be an annoying, amoral, omnisexual, psychotic mercenary with a serious murder fetish, but I will not stand here and allow you to defile a child!" He says before looking to the audience. "Wow, you know things are messed up when I'm the one fighting for moral decency." He says to some unseen entities.

A thirty foot tall centaur heavily tattooed with a black shirt with "I *heart* Jailbait" written in pink steps out of the crowd. "Oh yeah? And How are you going to stop us?" He says as Deadpool stares in amazement at the tree trunk hanging below the creature's horse like body.

He's about to make a quip before he notices a blonde behind the group. Deadpool's eyes go wide in terror before he says. "Uhh, yeah, I'm probably not the one you should be worried about. I'm getting out of here before I get caught in the cross fire." He says before leaping away, making sure to give Ruby a high five on the way past them.

The Rule 34 watchers look rather confused until they notice the heat generating from behind them. They turn around and crap their pants when they see the Devil herself shaking in fury.

Yang Xiao Long's POV

Yang is glaring at the group, mouth foaming in fury with her eyes blood red from rage when she sees the group. Her angered roar is loud enough to stop the battle temporarily as they all look toward the enraged brawler. A burst of golden flames erupts around the girl with enough force to incinerate a couple of watchers surrounding her before she charges head long into the group of perverts.

She heads straight for the Centaur, tears the tree sized limb off of him, and uses it as a club to slam it into the creatures head with enough force to splatter the entirety of the human part of its body all over the ground.

The now screaming perverts are helpless as everyone else watches Yang Xiao Long use the massive dong to annihilate them in a display of gore and brutality that shakes even the most hardened warriors to their core.

Scorpion's POV

Across the room, Scorpion has a disturbed look in his eyes as he says "Oh God, I think I'm gonna be sick." Before tearing off his mask and vomiting flames from his firey skull.

Sub Zero and Kratos are both standing there in wide eyed shock, their minds incapable of comprehending the level of violence currently on display. Kratos is actually shielding his son's eyes so he doesn't have to see the horrors on display.

They eventually snap out of it when Yang has managed to reduce them all to a fine paste just as Scorpion comes back. "You alright Hasashi?" Sub-Zero asks as Kratos goes back into the fight. "Yeah Liang, I'm fine, let's get back to the fight." Scorpion says as he puts his mask back on and the two charge back into the fray.

Everyone's POV

Jaune slams his shield into a faceless watcher, knocking the man into the air just as Nora comes riding by on the back of the Demonic Rainbow Dash, who bites the creature in half as Nora slams her hammer into a pink dragon, obliterating the creatures skull while maniacally cackling "**I'M QUEEN OF THE CASTLE! I'M QUEEN OF THE CASTLE!**" While Shenron is obliterating hundreds of flying enemies far above the clouds in flashes of light.

The creature falls to the ground as Ash and Pikachu riding on the back of Charizard dodge and weave between falling debris, occasionally spitting fire at the survivors of Shenron's rage that Nora misses.

A few seconds later, Birdperson flies past holding a fat man in a Cheeto stained white t-shirt and jean shorts. He drops the person right above Kratos' Son, who manages to shoot an arrow through his left eye before slamming his bow into a bowling ball with eyes and a handle bar mustache, sending the screaming ball hurtling toward a flaming Yang and Super Saiyan Goku.

Yang shatters the ball with her fist, creating enough force on impact to create a shockwave which knocks a dozen watchers into the air. Goku jumps between them, delivering multiple, rapid fire punches to the stomach of each one fast enough to leave a dozen after images before finally sending them flying toward Rick and Morty, who riddle them with bullets as they go flying by.

One of the corpses barely manage to miss a Naruto Shadow Clone, which uses the body as a stepping stone to leap toward a pair of giant red floating eyeballs. It leaps straight through the eye, emerging from the other side in an explosion of gore while on the other side, the Ghost Busters have once again crossed the streams, firing a powerful bolt of energy toward the second eyeball, which explodes in a shower of viscera.

Spiderman swings past them with a blue version of King Bomb-omb from Super Mario 64. He throws the explosive being toward one of the last crowds of watchers, causing an explosion on impact which kills hundreds of them instantly. A dozen Mr. Meseeks are sent flying across the battle field by the force of the explosion along with a few of the surviving watchers as well.

One of the surviving watchers is impaled through the face by a spear on a rope and pulled to the ground by Scorpion, who puts his fist through its skull while a few dozen watchers fall from the sky, landing in a field of ice spikes left by Sub Zero.

Across the battle field, Deadpool and Ruby are back to back, surrounded by watchers. They both leap into the air, grabbing hold of each other's arms and spin their bodies around while firing guns into the crowd while singing the rock portion of "Bohemian Rhapsody".

Pyrrha's POV

The battle finally begins dying down just as Pyrrha sends a twenty foot long black snake with Groucho Marx glasses on it flying toward Sub-Zero, who summons a spike of Ice to impale it through the skull.

They all take a minute before looking around to see that all the enemies have been taken care of. They all cheer in celebration as they power down/disarm. Rick opens up a series of portals so that all of the non RWBY characters can go home.

Morty, Birdman and Krombopulos go through the portal as Rick reaches into his pocket and grabs a second portal gun. He tosses it to Jaune and says "Here, I had a spare, so I thought I'd give it to you. It's a pr- *urp* pretty good upgrade from the thing you have." Jaune nods in appreciation as Rick departs as well. Leaving Jaune and all the people who were watching the universes.

"Well... That was a thing." Yang says while Jaune walks over to a closet and opens a door.

"Whatcha looking for Fearless Leader?" Nora says as Jaune starts searching for something. "A way to fix all of our problems." He says, getting confused stares from his friends.

"These watchers always preach about how they must not directly interfere with our lives, but that doesn't mean they are incapable of doing it. They always have some sort of reality alterin- AHA! THERE YOU ARE!" He says before pulling out a weird ray gun with a Tesla coil in the center of a small radar dish.

He flips a switch and smiles as the device hums to life. He adjusts a few dials on the device and then aims the device at a shocked Salem. "Watch and learn Ozma-" he says, shocking the wizard by addressing him with his original name, "I'm about to do something you've been failing at for thousands of years."

He fires the first shot of pink energy at Salem before turning the gun on Arthur Watts, Cinder Fall, Tyrian Callows, Mercury Black and Adam Taurus. Each of the targets are enveloped in orbs of pink energy just as Jaune uses the portal gun to open a series of portals behind each one. He kicks each one of them through the portals and closes them behind them as everyone else watches on in shock.

"Uhh, Jaune?" Pyrrha asks. Jaune looks at his new girlfriend with a huge grin on his face. "What did you just do?" She continues. "Oh, I used the reality gun to strip them of all of their powers and transform them into harmless creatures before ditching them in a universe I know they'll love." He says with a wicked grin before pointing to the screen, where said universe was now on display.

Villain's POV

Universe 66172393

Salem, Arthur, Cinder, Mercury, Tyrian and Adam all land in a pile on a colorful world full of sunshine and rainbows stirring up a cloud of dust. "Ugh, my head." Mercury says in a squeaky voice that make Cinder chuckle.

They all get out of the pile as the dust begins to settle. "Wait," Arthur says, with his voice sounding like he was on helium. "Something's not right here." He says. The cloud disappears around them and they all stare in shock as they realize they have been turned into brightly colored animals with their personal symbols resting on their stomachs.

"Hooray! New Friends!" A pink bear with a rainbow on its chest exclaims as the villains look on in shock.

A peach furred bear with a pair of crossed flowers on its chest comes up in front of Cinder Rat and Adam Bull and hugs the thoroughly confused former maiden and terrorist.

A yellow bear with a smiling sun on its chest comes up from behind the group. He grabs Arthur Flying Monkey by the arm and says "Come along new friends, we have so much to show you."

What Jaune did to the villains finally clicks as they all scream in rage, startling Friendship, Funshine and Cheer Bear.

Tyrian Scorpion pouts when he looks down at his fuzzy, adorable scorpion body. He pulls his tail in front of him and notices his stinger has been replaced with a heart pillow.

"Aww man, we don't even get to be actual Care Bears, we're just a bunch of stupid Care Bear Cousins." He pouts. He pokes the heart tail and giggles happily, getting a shocked stare from Mercury Weasel and Salem Snake.

A small green portal opens and a maliciously grinning Jaune sticks his head out of it. "Oh, I forgot to mention that I made it to where your personalities will change gradually over time. You'll get to experience every second as you slowly turn into bundles of sunshine just like all the other creatures in this universe." He says before pulling his head back through and closing the portal, leaving the thoroughly horrified villains to their fate.

Jaune's POV

Many of the people in the room are laughing hysterically at what has happened to the villains.

Ozpin's jaw is on the floor as his brain struggles to comprehend how his millennia long struggle was brought to such a sudden and ridiculous end.

Ironwood, Winter, Qrow and Professors' Goodwitch, Oobleck and Port are glaring at Emerald, Hazel, Roman and Neo who are nervously looking at Jaune with apprehension. Jaune notices this and sighs.

"I guess you're all wondering why I spared you all." He says, getting nods from said people. He turns to Hazel, Roman and Neo and says "We wouldn't have much of a show if there weren't any villains, and I actually like you three. Keep giving us a reason to fight and we won't have a problem." He says.

Winter and Ozpin's cabal stare at him in confusion when he turns a sympathetic gaze toward Emerald. "As for you, I think you might still have a chance at redemption. You were a homeless, starving orphan before Cinder found you. She rescued you from the streets and gave you food and clothing, so of course you gave her your loyalty. You saw her as a mother figure and she took advantage of that relationship." He says, softening the glares of the adults as they began to feel pity.

Emerald's POV

Emerald begins to cry as she falls to her knees. "Without Cinder, I-I have nothing left. I-I have nowhere to go. Wh-what am I supposed to do now?" She says as Glynda walks past the still frozen Ozpin toward the crying green haired girl.

She places a hand on her shoulder and says "You are still technically enrolled at Beacon, so as long as you promise to change your ways, you can remain at Beacon. The school does have a stipend program for our less financially capable students to live on as well." She says, getting a look of surprise from everyone in the room.

General Ironwood clears his throat and says "And after you graduate, you can either become a Huntress, or you can join the Atlesian Military. Your Semblance and fighting style would make you an excellent Specialist for covert missions. And money would not be an issue." Ironwood says before turning a teasing glance to his subordinate Winter.

"If the money is enough to sustain the lavish lifestyle of a Schnee, I'm sure you will be fine." He says with a smirk as Winter looks at the man in shock.

Qrow's POV

Qrow is shaking in fake fear as he turns to Tai Yang and says "Glynda and James are showing compassion? Grab the kids and run for the bunkers, the Apocalypse is nigh." He says jokingly, earning a chuckle from several people and glares from Ironwood and Goodwitch while a series of portals open up around the room.

"Alright everybody, we can settle this crap in our own universe. Somebody grab Ozpin and lets go home." Jaune says. Qrow walks over to Ozpin and tucks him under his arm.

He's kind of weirded out by the fact that Ozpin is still frozen in the same position despite being picked up, but he shrugs it off and walks through one of the portals as the others depart as well, leaving the bloodstained theatre behind.

? POV

A portal opens inside of the now empty theatre and a featureless shadow person with long hair floats out of it. He surveys the carnage and lets out an exasperated sigh. "This is why I keep telling the council we need to improve the training of new Watchers. This kind of crap wouldn't happen if they were properly trained." He says before hearing a muffled scream inside the theatre.

After a few seconds of searching, he sees a glowing purple Ghost Trap in the middle of the room. He chuckles a bit as he walks over to release King from his prison.

"Not... One... Word... Creator." The orb says with an exasperated tone. The two of them look around the room and let out annoyed sighs. "We're going to be working overtime for centuries just to make up for the loss of man power..." The Creator says as he snaps his finger to instantly clean the facility. This action inadvertently causes the screen to come back on.

They look to the screen, which is showing the villains struggling to retain their personalities within the Care Bear Universe.

Cinder Rat, Adam Bull and Salem Snake are having a tea party with Funshine Bear, but the eyes of the villains are twitching violently as they fight in vain to retake control of their bodies.

Tyrian Scorpion and Mercury Weasel are rolling around in a field of flowers laughing happily, but their faces are constantly switching between endless cheer and maddening rage.

Arthur Flying Monkey is flying around with a happily squealing Cheer Bear in his arms. His face is twisted into intense concentration as he does everything he can to convince his body to send the bear falling to its death, but he can't. At first, they don't understand why the villains are acting so out of character, until they notice the ray gun from earlier lying on the ground.

The two burst into a fit of hysterical laughter as they realize what happened. "Oh man, I really love those parody Jaunes, they can be really twisted when they want to be." King says.

Omake

Jaune walks into a seemingly endless void as he glares into the screen. "Oh, so you thought you'd get out of this scot-free? Think again Neowolf24. First of all, your hardly one to be criticizing people's grammar and writing styles after all. Speaking of which, stop using "after all" so much, it's irritating. And when you make changes to your story, make sure the grammar makes sense. And while we're on the subject of going back and changing your stories, how about you make sure you stay consistent with them? Your stories almost have as many plot holes as the show your fan fics are based on. Plus, you really need to learn how to use spacing, nobody likes to be confronted with giant walls of text like the one you're writing right now" He says.

"Oh and how are those stories coming along by the way? A Grimm Fate hasn't had a new chapter in three months and you seem to have completely forgotten about Yandere for a Day.

"Hey, not cool." A disembodied voice says. "I've been having emotional issues which kept me from doing much with A Grimm Fate, and I'm kind of stuck on Yandere for a Day at the momen- Wait a second, why am I taking this crap from you."

The voice begins to chuckle evilly and says "I am the writer. I'm in control here. I can do whatever I want." A fully loaded Freight Ship appears over the top of Jaune's head and falls on top of him. "Know your place noodle boy." The voice says.

Omake 2

Ozpin's POV

It's midnight in Ozpin's office as Qrow seems to have left the frozen man standing in front of his desk. Without warning, something in his mind finally snaps as he bursts into a fit of maniacal laughter.

"H-he actually did it! Tens of thousands of years of endless struggle only for it to end when some blonde noodle of a boy turned my ex-wife and her cohorts into stuffed animals and stripped them of their power!" He cackles insanely.

The scene transitions to Ozpin laughing maniacally with a machete in his hands and blood all over his body, surrounded by the corpses of dozens of blonde haired, blue eyed boys who look suspiciously like Jaune. A pair of men in white jackets come and grab the man by the arms and the scene transitions again.

This time, Ozpin is sitting in the corner of a padded white room wrapped in a straight jacket, still laughing maniacally. It transitions again to an older looking Oscar Pine in the same padded room, laughing just as maniacally as Ozpin. The Scene keeps transitioning through dozens of different men and women, all laughing as maniacally as before within the confines of the padded room.

A/N: Well, I'm back guys. The good news is that I'll be able to write again, and I'll have more time to do so. The bad news is I was fired from my job because of a symptom of my Autism, yay!

It's fine though because now I'm getting the help I need to get a job worthy of a Bachellor's Degree in Interdisciplinary Studies from University of Texas at Arlington instead of pulling shopping carts in the hot sun all day.

Anyway, enough negativity, I thought I'd make my return the same way I started, with a ridiculous parody of an overused fan fic trope.

I don't know for sure when I'll be able to get the next chapter of A Grimm Fate out, but I'm hoping it will be soon. I'm probably going to try and go back to fix some of the errors Jaune so rudely mentioned first though. "Truth hurts, don't it?" Jaune's muffled voice says.

The Freighter explodes a second later. Stay out of the A/N: Jaune.

I may also try my hand at writing a few more oneshots.

I'd like to thank King-Mac-11 and NigmaShady for allowing me to use their characters in this fan fic. Thank you all for reading and as always, feel free to leave a review. Until next time.


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